Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Pet Predicaments: Part 1- Pitbulls and Coconuts

          Someone posted a message on Craislist addressed to pitbull haters everywhere. They went on to inform the public that "Approximately 150 people are killed every year by falling coconuts," and thus we are all more likely to be killed by a falling coconut than a Pitbull

Interesting. I can just picture a sample obituary- "John Smith ran off to the Bahamas with his wife, and was consequently killed by a twenty-pound coconut."  Tragically hilarious- but it's better than a lot of things. John Smith's dying words would go something like this- "I'll have another Mai Tai, Jane Doe."
     Then he would keel over and they would bury him in the sand. The yachts would glide past, the rich and famous would sip that sort of cocktail he was never able to consume- and the children would play- until some kid dug up his skeleton and ran screaming to his parents. The parents would make the wise decision to relocate to Hawaii, since it is a known fact that that those islands are not inhabited by dimwits who stand under coconut trees. But I stray to far from the subject. Back to pitbulls.

    After the coconut statistic- the kind and thoughful Craigsliter (is that even a word?) informed me that I am 151 times more likely to drown in my bathtub than be killed by a pitbull. I don't take baths, but it's nice to be forewarned. I'm also 5 times more likely to be killed by a cow. Now does "cow" mean a bovine on Benadrill? Or should I be picturing Spanish bullfighting?

      Here is another excerpt: (grammar and spelling exactly the way it was posted...)

and cars kill and people kill we dont ban them do we? 
and for all of u who think pitbulls should be baned they should ban u for ur ignorance 
its racial profiling 


     Oh please. Spare me the agony of reading further. I think I need to go throw up now. No wait- I think I'll just ban that writer for his or her revolting description of prejudice against pitbulls as "racial profiling." At least the writer correctly spelled that "profiling." And about that "car" bit- I don't know what to say. We can talk to D.O.T. later about this. But here's the really hilarious part:


and pitbulls dont even have the strogest jaws rotwilers do

so get over urself pitbulls are one of the best dogs

i have a dalmatian that is more aggressive then ne pitbull ive ever seen and ive been bit by pitbulls


Oh really? I'm so glad to know that you're a expert on the meanest and most ferocious dogs. Remind me not to visit you anytime soon. Just how many times have you been bitten by pitbulls? Did it hurt more than getting hit on the head with a coconut?

[I will be continuing my commentary on the subject of pitbulls at a later date. Stay tuned.]




4 comments:

Jessica said...

That's was so funny! Hahahaha! Can't wait for part two!

Micah said...

Natalie, I just read your entry about the Pit bull coconut thing. I would encourage you to actually meet some real pit bulls before you make a decision and buy into all of the media's "if it bleads it leads" hype. You need to got to the American temperament test society or atts.org or atts.com, I can't remember. You should also go to this site that will show you all the statistical references that the guy posted and made some innocent typos on. Anyway here is the original coconut/pit bull site: http://www.nopetsleftbehind.com/Bully_Breeds.html. Please don't dismiss this message and "Pit bull" type dogs as false and I know you are young and i am sure you parents have told you that pits are evil monsters, well so did mine until my wife convinced me to foster a wonderful dog named Archie a Staffordshire bull terrier (commonly mis identified as a pit bull, but he is the breed that pit were bred from) anyway this dog has changed my mind, my parents minds, and many others. we went on to adopt him and have been fostering Pit bull type dogs w/ our local humane society for 7 years now and haven't ever been bit. I have met many, many other respnsible pit owners who have had no bad experiences w/ these wonderful, and loving dogs. The Staffy is the only dog breed w/ "good w/ children" in its standard they are also know as the nanny dog. Please, please check the site I gave you out and go to your local shelter or call humane society and ask to meet w/ a pit bull before you makle any more judgments. The majority of Pit owners are respectable, law abiding, and responsible citizens, Only the media would like you to believe otherwise so you will watch their programs and they will keep using those attention grabbing headlines to get you interested. Oh, lastly I apologize if I have any typos, misspelling or grammatical errors. We all can't be scholars, but we all can and should properly research before spreading hate and disregarding actual facts as you did. and remember you are home schooled so your education is in your hands. Please don't be angry about this message and disregard the advice i have passed along to you. Imagine if you are wrong and you and others continue to slander this innocent breed for what its owners are responsible for and all these breed bans continue and these breeds are wiped out of Gods earth, what do you think God will ask you when you are face to face with him. Why did you help to kill of one of my beautiful creatures when all you had to do was think for yourself and find out the truth?

natalie said...

Micah: thank you for taking the time to post your opinion on a subject I assume you are very passionate about.

With all respect, however, I must point out that my post never suggested that the breed ought to be "wiped" off the face of the earth.

My post was rather a satire piece against an ignorant Craigslist poster who accused "pitbull haters" of "racial profiling." (i.e, the "practice of substitution skin color for evidence as grounds for suspicioun by law enforcement officials.")

If the writer had written in an intelligible manner and earnestly tried to persuade the public of his/her opinion- I would have left his/her piece alone.

Instead he/she wrote some garbage suggesting that if I think pitbulls are monsters it logically follows that I ought to believe cars are homicidal killing machines.

And no- I don't believe that all pitbulls kill or harm people. I've lived next to a pitbull puppy that never caused any problems. That said, we cannot cover the fact that pitbulls are often one of the more vicious breeds.

I don't condemn people who own pitbulls, but if a dog causes harm I think necessary action should be taken against it.

This is my own opinion, and I can't revoke what I said about a person who wrote "get over urself pitbulls are one of the best dogs."
I own a poodle/lab mix, and I am not going to go around and defend it simply because of the high mortality rates in tropical areas due to dropping coconuts.

Anonymous said...

Natalie, I'm so glad to see something that shows/makes fun of the ignorance of defending a whole breed of dog and pretending they don't ever hurt anyone. Last week a friend of mine who lives out of state (your parents also went to high school with her) posted on Facebook that a 7 year-old girl they were watching played with the Rottweiler next door and ended up with 5separate inch-deep lacerations on her face. This was unprovoked and now the girl has nerve damage and can't smile or use one side of her face. Of course, this dog has played with my friend's kids for years w/o a problem. I'm sure that if someone had asked the owners just one day before the attack, they would have assured safety for any child to play with him. The sad truth about Rotts and Pits is that it is in their nature, they will attack someday. Just like pet pythons, pet raccoons, etc, they will all turn on you out of the blue. Wild animals are simply not meant to be domesticated and it is NOT worth taking the risk just to try and prove a point to society.

To Micha: I'll tell little Hailee for you how misunderstood these dogs really are. I think it's sad that so many people find it more important to protect an animal than to protect a child. It would be nice to see people spending energy getting upset about something that really matters, like stopping pedophiles and rapists, instead of making sure a vicious breed of dog doesn't become extinct. I'm so glad they immediately put this dog down instead of sending it for a few counselling sessions. Go hug a Rott or a Pitt and hope it doesn't take a bite out of your throat.



Later, after a little thought . . .



Sarcastic and mean, I know. I'm just so sick on naive owners defending these dogs and saying "he's so gentle, he'd never hurt anyone". (No, he just hasn't done it YET!) You rarely hear about a vicious attack by a Border Collie, Poodle, Lab, etc.

Natalie: I want to remain anonymous in case of angry Pitt/Rott owners but your Mom could probably figure out who I am by my lack of restraint.